How Many Children Do I Have?

One of my questions when J.T. left was “When someone asks me how many children I have, what do I say?”

This is personal preference, for sure. Some leave it at that. Others ask if they are girls or boys. I reply two boys and one girl. If they are very curious, they will ask for their ages. I always include J.T. first. I say, “My oldest boy is in heaven. He would be x years old. My daughter is x and my youngest son is x.”

If you take this approach, be ready to explain how your child passed. So many people are curious. They somehow want to exclude themselves from what happened. I tend to get the look of shock when I say, “He caught the flu and didn’t make it.” But I have to be truthful with them, if they ask. If they don’t, I don’t offer, unless I am compelled to do so. They say how sorry they are and I say, “thank you” and leave it at that. You might need to practice what you are going to say so it doesn’t catch you off guard. That can be quite a grief trigger, so be prepared!

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